~Originally written on Whisper Creek Blog, June 27, 2015
June 26, 2015, gay marriage was declared legal throughout the entire country and every member of the gay and lesbian community were no longer considered second class citizens.
When my partner and I read the ruling, we jumped with joy and then cried. Those tears had been held back for so long. They were tears of joy, tears of relief, and tears of grief for those who died before they knew that their country recognized their right to love, to marry, and to simply exist.
My partner, Haseleah, and I had been waiting to marry in Tennessee. We were afraid to get our hopes up that the Supreme Court would vote in favor of equality. We didn't even really expect to hear the ruling Friday and expected some kind of delay. We had planned to work on my book which is expected to be out by the end of August and maybe go to the gym.
Instead, we were in shock. It took a while for it to sink in.
Haseleah called the office of the Attorney General of Tennessee to see when Tennessee would begin issuing marriage licenses. We were told that the county clerks would have the directive by the end of the day. Then she called the county clerk in our home town to find that the office was closed on Fridays. Next she called the clerk in our county seat who said they were still waiting for further instructions. She called the clerk in the next city closest to us, and again, they weren't sure when they would begin issuing licenses.
So we turned back to the internet to read in full, the decision that made gay marriage legal in the US.
I don't know if any LGBT person ever expected to see this measure of equality in their life time, so it was with absolute amazement to read the findings of the court in the Obergefell vs Hodges decision.
The court recognized that far " from seeking to de-value marriage, [gays and lesbians] seek it for themselves because of their respect—and need—for its privileges and responsibilities."
It went on to define four principles and decisions that support and demonstrate that the Constitution, as it is written, fundamentally applies to same sex couples.
1) [T]he right to personal choice regarding marriage is inherent in the concept of individual autonomy. This abiding connection between marriage and liberty is why Loving [vs Virginia] invalidated interracial marriage bans under the Due Process Clause." Its also why women are no longer considered the property of her father who sells her to a husband chosen for her. Individual autonomy means individual power over oneself to make decisions for him/herself in regards to marriage, among other things.
2) "[T]he right to marry is fundamental because it supports a two-person union unlike any other in its importance to the committed individuals." This refers most specifically to Griswold vs Connecticut, which held "the Constitution protects the right of married couples to use contraception." This meant that one's intimate associations and decisions were given to the couple, thus not ruling out a same-sex association within the confines of that committed relationship.
3) Citing Pierce vs Society of Sisters, the court further declared that "protecting the right to marry safeguards children and families and thus draws meaning from related rights of childrearing, procreation, and education." Adding what LGBT families have been saying for years, "without the recognition, stability, and pre-dictability marriage offers, children suffer the stigma of knowing their families are somehow lesser. They also suffer the significant material costs of being raised by unmarried parents, relegated to a more difficult and uncertain family life." BAM. Thank you Supreme Court. The decision went on to say "this does not mean that the right to marry is less meaningful for those who do not or cannot have children. Precedent protects the right of a married couple not to procreate, so the right to marry cannot be conditioned on the capacity or commitment. In other words, the reason for marriage is NOT procreation.
4) "States have contributed to the fundamental character of marriage by placing it at the center of many facets of the legal and social order. There is no difference be-tween same- and opposite-sex couples with respect to this principle, yet same-sex couples are denied the constellation of benefits that the States have linked to marriage and are consigned to an instability many opposite-sex couples would find intolerable." The court recognized that to have a strong nation, we must have strong families. To have strong families, we must allow marriage to all consenting adults, no matter their gender.
The Supreme Court concluded by invoking the equal protection clause and the due process clause to determine that the present "laws burden the liberty of same-sex couples, and they abridge central precepts of equality.The marriage laws at issue are in essence unequal: Same-sex couples are denied benefits afforded opposite-sex couples and are barred from exercising a fundamental right. Especially against a long history of disapproval of their relationships, this denial works a grave and continuing harm, serving to disrespect and subordinate gays and lesbians."
....and marriage equality became law.
Not long after reading the decision, we heard that a neighboring county clerk was now issuing same-sex marriage licenses. We drove the 30+ miles to the courthouse and were the third same-sex couple to request a marriage license. A lesbian couple, whom we had never met, saw us outside the courthouse after obtaining our license, hugged us in victory, and took our picture on the courthouse steps, ironically in front of the Ten Commandments.
We then returned to our hometown and drove directly to our friend's house. We were determined that the religion that had condemned us all our lives, would NOT be requested of, or allowed, to oversee our marriage vows.
Our friend, Mary, is a high priestess and third-generation witch. We had a short, simple ceremony because the right to marry was more important than a grand wedding.
Weeks before, we talked about what we would like to wear if gay marriage became legal. I told Haseleah, I loved the hippy skirt I first saw her in. She liked my black shorts and black top. End of wedding plans. We even had to find some temporary rings laying around the house until we had the money to buy some. We didn't care. We were getting married.
We were joined by Mary's son and her dogs under a shade tree and in front of Mary's altar. It was a wondrous and beautiful moment. At the end, Mary's said, "by the power given to me by the goddess and the United States government, I now pronounce you married."
MARRIED. Jamie and Haseleah, MARRIED.
We sighed in relief. We were safe.
I don't know if heterosexual couples know what that feels like....to finally feel safe because you married your life partner and your government recognized and supported that right. Haseleah is not my "old ball and chain". She is tethered to my heart in love. We do not take this marriage for granted because we knew what we didn't have before.
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| JC, Mary, Haseleah |
Until yesterday's decision, there were 1,138 rights enjoyed and taken for granted by heterosexual couples, that were denied to gay and lesbian couples. It didn't matter if the gay or lesbian couple had been in a committed relationship for decades. Yet straight couples who just met could do drive-thru Vegas weddings with an Elvis impersonator officiating and immediately have those rights. All 1,138 of them.
Just a few of those are listed below:
- If a couple is not married and one partner dies, the other partner is not entitled to bereavement leave from work, to file wrongful death claims, to draw the Social Security of the deceased partner, or to automatically inherit a shared home, assets, or personal items in the absence of a will.
- Unmarried couples are often not covered by laws and policies that permit people to take medical leave to care for a sick spouse or for the kids.
- Unlike spouses, unmarried partners are usually not considered next of kin for the purposes of hospital visitation and emergency medical decisions. In addition, they can't cover their families on their health plans without paying taxes on the coverage, nor are they eligible for Medicare and Medicaid coverage.
- Unlike marriages, which are honored in all states and countries, domestic partnerships and other alternative mechanisms only exist in a few states and countries, are not given any legal acknowledgment in most, and leave families without the clarity and security of knowing what their legal status and rights will be.
- Unmarried partners can't always sign up for joint home and auto insurance. In addition, many employers don't cover domestic partners or their biological or non-biological children in their health insurance plans.
- In addition to being denied access to shared or spousal benefits through Social Security as well as coverage under Medicare and other programs, unmarried couples are denied withdrawal rights and protective tax treatment given to spouses with regard to IRA's and other retirement plans.
- Unmarried couples cannot file joint tax returns and are excluded from tax benefits and claims specific to marriage. In addition, they are denied the right to transfer property to one another and pool the family's resources without adverse tax consequences.
Perhaps living in the Bible Belt made the thought of not being able to legally marry more frightening. I can't say for sure. However, I know my biggest fear was not being able to get to Haseleah if she were hurt, ill, or injured.
We already experience discrimination in the medical system, so our worries were indeed valid.
All I know is that, while I watch my wife sleep beside me in bed as I write this, I am breathing easier. She is now mine to love and protect, and I am hers. We are us. And now our government says our marriage is protected under the Constitution.
People will continue to hate, to tell us we are abominations to God, to look at us with disgust, but I will look at them and smile because now we are legally married and equal citizens under the law.
Equality matters.
Namaste and blessed be.
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| Our post-wedding ice cream celebration |
